Righteous Kill (2008)

While watching this by the numbers cop seeks serial killer movie I couldn't help but think that these two overblown egos who were once choice fillets of the acting fraternity have now become the grisly bits of fat you'd politely put to the side of your plate.

Pacino, with his poof of hair to create the impression of extra height, resurrects once more, as he has been doing since 1992, the role of the cantankerous old coot Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade from Scent of a Woman. He originally got an Oscar for that role and has been flogging it to death ever since.

De Niro, on the other hand, called on the whole range of his acting talent in this 'stinker' which ranged from scowl to psycho pissed off look to giving someone a good kickin' when they're on the ground to doing some chick 'doggey style'. What's worse is as he gets older, not only is he harder to take seriously as a tough guy, but he's beginning to look more and more like 'Beaker' the hapless scientist's assistant from the muppet show.



Not much point on commenting on the plot, which was another case of the 'deja-already viewed-so many times before' but there is a sense that this film was a bit of a vehicle for the Pacino/De Niro mutual admiration club, especially when throughout De Niro says about Pacino's character 'Rooster' that he was 'my role model' and Pacino says that 'Turk' was his 'inspiration'. These bits will certainly get you feeling a bit queasy.

***********SPOILER COMING UP***************

If all this wasn't cringe worthy enough, at the end of the movie, look out for Pacino reciting poetry in the worst thespian tradition and a trite finale designed to balance out the cosmic ego balance of their last appearance together in 'Heat'.

'We did good Turk, didn't we?' Pacino says at the end of the movie.....No you bloody didn't you old geysers.

Deception (2008)

Alternate Title: The Not So Talented Mr Rip-Off

In this 108 minute bore fest, Ewan McGregor plays an accountant who is introduced to a sex society, but becomes the main suspect when one of it's members is presumed dead. Despite starring another talented actor in Hugh Jackman, this so called thriller must have had Hitchcock turning in his grave.

This movie was so slow, boring and predictable you could feel yourself visibly age while watching it. It was as thrilling as a coach trip to Bognor and should come with a warning not to operate heavy machinery.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

This film looked like the script had been penned in about two minutes flat. Or more likely the 'one size fits all generic script' was taken down from it's shelf, a couple of names were changed and off this movie rolled from the mass produced factory line without another thought.

Gone was Rachel Weisz who obviously saw the sense in not appearing in this travesty. Gone was a 'Mummy' who instead was replaced by a clay baked Jet Li who seems to be cropping up in movies more than a bout of the pox in medieval Europe. Gone was the humour and sense of fun apparent in the other films in this franchise to be replaced by meaningless, endless chases, so called action sequences. and a bunch of washed up would be thespians taking their flimsy parts way to seriously.

This film unashamedly confirms Ervine's comment that "American motion pictures are written by the half-educated for the half-witted."

HellBoy 2

Not much I can say about this movie but that it certainly seems intended for a pretty young audience. I recall the first Hellboy movie having a rough edge to it but this really did go for the 'fairy tale' route.

All in all the plot and characters were designed to be understandable and lovable to an 11year old but if your looking for a greater level of sophistication you will be disappointed.

Verdict: Wishy washy plot and characters but good sets and special effects. Did provide some entertainment.

Hancock (2008) and Wanted (2008)

Alternate Titles:

'Handjob' and

'Wanted (someone who knows how to write a film script)

I just finished watching two of the worst films ever. One was called 'Handjob' or 'Hancock' or something or nothing, and the other film was called 'Wanted' or to give it it's full title 'Wanted; someone who knows how to write a script, for immediate employment'.

Watching these films was like having hot wax dripped onto your balls, but not in a pleasant way either.

It's clear to all that a long time ago the equation for making an American action film was formerly computed by the pencil necked gonad lovers of Hollywood, etc, and since then they have been endlessly churning out their same old patented sloppy shit.

Recently, though, I've noticed that amazingly the standard of these films have plummeted still further into the depths of crapdom. Read no storyline, zero acting, same lame action sequences and a generous helping of gun crime, murder and genocide.

The truth is now clear to all and sundry that the film companies must be bankrolled by the arms manufacturers who fund these hour or so long adverts for their wares. In the same way that we witness one senseless murder after another, so the making of these films only serve their designed purpose. i.e, exporting violence, murder and gun crime to all corners of the planet.

James McAvoy said at the end of 'Wanted'.... blah, blah, bollocks, something about killing sooooooooo many baddies, "what have you done today?". What he was really saying is, ' I know this was a shit movie but could you do any better, you the tosser who watches this crap?'

Verdict: More cynical crud from the cock faces who make this kind of turdage.

Superhero Movie (2008)

This was a pretty good send up of the superhero genre movie although mostly concentrated on ridiculing Peter Parker/Spiderman. I found the first half hour a bit hit and miss, enjoying some of the comedy but in a slightly pained sort of way, but all in all there were plenty of ridiculously memorable scenes to enjoy from Aunt May's flatulence to our hero 'Dragonfly' rescuing his love interest from hoodlums while pandering to her with farcical sexy looks to our hero's alter ego Rik Riker hiding in his room from Aunt May's diner guest, the nefarious villain 'Hourglass'.

After the disaster which was 'Meet the Spartans' its good to have the comedy satire train back on track with this offering and also helped on its way by Leslie Nielsen, a star of the original send up movie.

Be Kind Rewind (2008)

Alternate Title: 'Be Kind Don't Make Anymore Movies'

This movie was so bad that it could make you vomit in disgust. It was as though some retarded high school mother licker had penned the script on toilet paper while on the loo and then forgot to wipe the faeces off afterwards.

Possibly one of the worst films ever. I lasted almost half an hour but only because most of my body had already gone to sleep and I was unable to switch the tv off sooner.